Good Day

It was a good day today. Funny how a person appreciates one when they don't seem to come often enough, but I suppose that's only in how we look at things individually . I tend to find adversity all too often even when I try not to. But today was definitely a good one.

I've been driving around with a bad transmission in my truck for months now. How bad you ask - well its has been grinding since just after I installed it. A couple of days ago I decided I could not go any further with it as I lost yet another gear. As it was, I only had 1, 3 and 5, oh and reverse, but on Friday I lost third and it was so bad that I didn't think I would be able to make it home, but I did. I had been packing a replacement trans in the back for over a month but from my preliminary findings, I was under the impression that it would not fit - I was wrong - luckily. So today I finished installing the 'new' replacement, not knowing the condition of it, but it works very well. Hopefully for a lot longer then the last one.
When I drained the oil from the old transmission, bits of a bearing race or cage actually fell out. Boy did I ever get my dollars worth out of that one.

Another good thing was the programs I had been wanting to get for my computer. I finally found them, got them installed and they're great too. This was such a nice change from the computer hell of a week or so ago when a simple upgrade killed the entire system and it took two full days of repair to get back what I had. Now the thing rocks. It's faster than it has ever been and I have much more fuctionality than I did previously. So even the bad has some good if a person can see the end result. That is, if the thing had not died on me, I would not have been force to do a major clean and repair - which I was totally not into. Looking back however, I'm glad it worked out as it did, because now as I've said, it works very well indeed.

So all things considered, when things good bad, it can be for a good reason. I've notice over the years that when I'm having a particularly bad day, or days at times, I know that there must be a good one coming my way because nothing lasts forever. Then just thinking about the good day coming up starts to elevate the tension of the bad day and before I know it, I'm in one.

Next time things don't go well for you, try to looking at the positive as the future may bring. Just the very possibility of such can help tremendously in your present difficulty.

If you can't have a good time - fake it - it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Communication

The art of communication is so much more than speech. Mankind has had the desire to communicate since the beginning of thought. An inherent need to share ideas, feelings, directions, concepts and more.

Before language there was grunting, pointing and actions, never the less, the message was passed from one to others. In time we developed words to ease this challenge. Then writing took its place and is still considered one of the best mediums of today. Then we got the phone so we could talk again in ‘real’ time, now we have emails, Instant Messaging, voice and video chatting and conferencing as just a small part of the WWW, otherwise know as the World Wide Web. But lets not forget the Cell and Satellite phones, not to mention the myriad of pagers, smart DPA’s and smart phones and what else is out there. I don’t doubt that soon we will have the option of a chip implanted directly into our heads so we can just ‘think’ of the person you wish to call. And it’s all to communicate with others so that we can share our thoughts.

The word communicate somehow brings to mind, at least to me, the art of verbally expressing one’s ideas however, we as humans, communicate in so many ways it would be near impossible to list them all. If you think about it for a moment, almost everything we do, every action or inaction carries a message if we take the time to look at it. From the clothes we ware to the cars we drive, everything says what and who we are.

And yet, everyday we make countless decisions while we go about living our lives pretending to ‘fit in’ with the rest of humanity and all the while, we are secretly thinking to ours selves - how different we are to those around us. We want to be heard, but at the same time, we covet some very secret and guarded thoughts and feeling we don’t dare share with anyone. To do so would leave us naked and vulnerable. So we choose what we want others to know and not the same folks know the same things about anyone of us, because we only divulge certain things to specific persons of specific standings on our little hierarchical scheme of things.

At times we harbor such a smugness and exuberance about ourselves, some of it leaks out to spill on those standing too close and we beam in its glory – because we know, at that time, we are better than them - yet we hold our tongue to not offend. Then there are days when we don’t feel adequate enough to be included in the description of a human. We are so down on ourselves with lost feelings due to emotional torment and without proper guidance or direction or answers, that we just want to crawl into a hole were we can not be found and die – while we secretly wish that a special someone (and we have them in mind at that time), will see through the torment, have the answers and to seek you out of your desperation, to make you feel as though you belong to someone or something. And that would be great, because by then, you just want to feel something again! But maybe that’s just me?

From the moment we wake, we decide on what to wear, what to eat, how we travel, how we carry ourselves, how we react and interact with others and almost always we are secretly thinking the reasons why we do - the what we do. All of this is communicating to others by actions and the decisions of those actions.

Take for example; a young virile single man, heads to his beaten pickup truck with ratty looking cloths and as he walks, he struts because he feels hot and winks at any girl he gets a chance to. He’s content with himself and why not.

A married woman with kids, steps from her door onto her drive wearing a housecoat, slippers, curlers in hair, a screaming baby under an arm and may or may not have - the look of content pulsating her inner most feelings - for all the world to see.

The reasons would be as diverse as the individuals we see but no more diverse as our own actions and reactions upon the witness of such.

It’s all communication in the most basic of forms – the human psyche.
It summons the question - What is art? From the most irreplaceable paintings to the simplest of sketches, from the multitudes of various forms in sculpture, literature, TV, theatre, landscaping and gardening to the everyday events and the cloths we choose to wear, all these things have one common ground – the conveyance and expresion of thought and feeling. Because any good work of art is something that invokes and brings forth emotion and with it - thought to the viewer.

Often the more radical the departure from the norm, the greater its influence, why? - because it simply invokes more extreme emotion and therefore, the better the art?

Every notice how a trends start? It maybe from someone who is desperate to be noticed or it could be from someone who is determined to make a statement (kind of the same thing don’t you think) - then has the strength to carry it out. And sure enough at first they are followed by a chorus of laughter and likely ridiculed for it, but if they stick with it they soon get a following of other would be trendsetters.

This happens because although what ever that person has done to stand out, has gained so much attention and therefore notice, that they gain a respect that others what to get ‘in on’. All that ‘fame and grandeur’ for so little, so they intern, copy the very thing that the ‘now famous individual’ did to get some attention for themselves.

Others see this growing development and what at first seemed shocking, now takes on a different flavor. An allure of bravado and strength of self and in time many others join in the ranks of the shocking and before you know it, what was at first so insane or even demonic, a thing you initially thought you would never in your wildest dreams do, you now find appealing. Of course for many, by the time they decide to join in the ranks of the ‘now’ excepted fade and the cultural norm, it is so old that they are ridiculed for changing their ways. Time after all, is the true judge of relevance. Not to mention the fact that by now, there are at least ten more things even more radically trend setting and thought provoking for the ‘in’ crowd of the day. And of course that original individual who once fostered a growing crowd might have by now, got so bored with being sought after for his earlier radical thinking, has reverted back into obscurity, because now he wants to be appreciated for what’s inside and not what he’s done or what he owns, and without knowing it, he has started a new trend. Will it work? It matters not because to him, that was never his intent. All he wanted to do was to be himself and be unique. He wanted to celebrate his uniqueness by doing something so different he would be set aside from the ‘norm’ because he felt he was special. In short, he was comfortable enough with himself to be his own person, he never meant to start a trend.

Unfortunately this is so misunderstood in society. Most of us are so afraid of not being excepted by those around them and afraid of not fitting in, that we on the average, do nothing out of the ordinary so as to not upset the ‘fit’. But we soon get bored with our life and all we see, so we spend much time dreaming and wishing for more and don’t know why.

The mistake is thinking that the event, token or action of others who set the trend was the thing to do. After all, it got all kinds of attention and therefore they had to do it too to be – well – cool or at least excepted. It worked for him so it might work for me too. Look at that, Dave bought a new toy that goes fast over water – everybody’s talking about it, it’s way cool – I have to get one of those things too. These are the kinds of traps so easy to fall into. We got to such a point of judging someone for what they have, that we tend to look down on those, including ourselves, who do not have what’s expected to be the norm. And in so many ways the ‘norm’ is a measure of finance. Meanwhile the real reason that other guy was able to set the norm is completely foreign to them.

It’s not that a guy wares an ear-ring (so excepted now that it’s old), or died his hair blue, shaved his head or filed his teeth. It’s that he or she had the strength of character and belief in themselves to carry out what they wanted to do without guilt.

It’s the strength of the individual being ‘one with self’ and ‘one with nature’ that sent the message ‘I am strong enough, proud enough and free enough to be me’ that started the trend. It’s not really what he said or did or wore or owns, it was his strength and conviction that said and communicated: ‘look at me – I know what I want and where I’m going’ - and the others followed - because they didn’t.

Computer Hell

Today has been Computer Hell. I just installed a new DVD burner and although it worked immediately upon installation for play mode, trying to get it to copy a DVD has been a nightmare. It would start off looking like it was doing fine until about 70% done reading then - crash.

It locked up the entire machine so bad that I couldn't even reboot it. I spent almost the entire day on it. I finally got the machine running again (conflict with programs) but, still haven't been able to copy a DVD. I can copy a CD, but I already have a CD burner installed. The computer still locks up. Extremely frustrating... Such is life with a computer.

I had three different programs competing for the burn process. Here I thought one was for the CD burner another for the DVD and I forgot about the one that came with the new unit - silly bugger I am. To much of a rush to get things going sometimes.

I have not been able to burn a DVD yet but I think I know what the problem is now. I'll find out tomorrow.

So what did I learn today? Mostly that I still need to work on my tolerance levels AND my anger but, Hey I've been working and playing with them for fifty years - those at least I have figured out and they rarely let me down...

PS: I finally got it, I took two days of repairing the registers amongst countless un-installs and reinstalls, emails and upgrades, but it works like a hot damn now!
I figured I had a good day coming as that one sucked.

Appreciation of SELF

It was about a year before I let anyone see my writings. Back then it seemed to expose a vulnerability and or weakness in myself that I felt a desperate need to cover, hide and control.

I am an overly sensitive person which is perhaps a good trait for a writer, not sure but, it does let me feel things and perhaps see things that the average person may not experience, or at least be able to put into words. However, being a male of the species, I have often felt this to be a dire weakness which I felt the need to hide.

I have since realize however that if we did not have weaknesses, we would be unique indeed because, everyone without exception has them - weaknesses. To disagree with that statement is only to fool oneself. Hey, a weakness is not a bad thing. In fact without them we not find a need to question ourselves in our actions, habits or even thoughts. More over I think it pushes us to look for companionship and or a mate with a fellow human being. As you may have notice in looking at your own levels of attract for another, that the ones we feel drawn to, amazingly, have a quality or strength which we are sadly lacking or feel inadequate with. It is therefore our weakness as stated above, that lets us 'desire' another who's strengths compliment our own and in return, it is hoped that our return to them is just as satisfying.

So why do I bother telling you this now, some twenty plus years since I started to write? Quite simple really, I see so many people out there who are down on themselves because they feel they don't fit-in or measure up to 'others' expectations. This is foolish. You as an individual must realize that above all, are unique and special with whatever you consider your own weaknesses. It is precisely these things which help make us unique. For me it is only now, that I feel I am a writer and feel free enough to express my feelings to others. True, this can take time, but anything worthwhile does. And if its exceptance of self your after, looking in and asking what it is you wish to change or keep about 'self' is as good a place to start as any.

look at is this way; anyone who is famous and or World renown, has had first, the courage and then the strength, to allow themselves to be different, without fear of ridicule. At least they would have the strength to forge ahead with whatever they thought was important to them.

To be short, we must first appreciate ourselves as a unique individual and to love and except what you find there, before you can be truly excepted by others. To do otherwise would be, to be a phony, and nobody likes a phony. It makes everyone around them feel uneasy.

So enjoy your follies, be yourself and try not to hurt anyone in the process. What else would you expect from others around you? Be yourself, be honest and enjoy life.

You Bitch

B careful what U think


Oops... did I say that out loud, but I knew I had?

I was talking with a friend on the phone today when, at the end of the conversation, I was saying my adios, while I started to say 'U bet' however, at the same time I was thinking instead, that I would rather say 'U bet-cha' as to me, it had more punch.

Unfortunately, between what I had started to say 'U bet' and what I had thought of saying 'U bet-cha', what came out instead was "U Bitch"!

It's a good thing she's an understanding friend. When I later explained what had happened, we both had a good laugh.
I can think of many others who would not have responded in such a joyous manner.

careful what u think...

Do it all

The latest ramblings from an incomplete mind…

I don’t know if it’s the season, the weather or just my state of mind, but these recent days have been troubling to say the least. Everywhere I look I have unfinished business to take care of. Things to fix, things to sell, so many half-started projects and half-finished ones that I can barely move in my half-finished home. How the hell did I find myself here? More importantly, why?

To add to my list of incompletes, I have now unsettling and unfinished business with family members, which is great because these fit nicely with all the unfinished love affairs, or should I say, unresolved love issues that I keep putting off for reasons I just can’t reason out. In fact every time I think I have found the answer, an unsureness develops immediately behind that recent answer to undermine the security of the insecurity of the unknown. Why do I do this to me? I know I am my own worst enemy, not unlike many of us when we really look at our individual actions, however, I thought I was above all that, not that I’m trying to say I feel superior to anyone, it’s just that I thought I understood why I and therefore ‘we’ do, the things we do. I guess knowing the answers, just as knowing the reasons for something, does not necessarily mean we change our habits overnight, as it were. In fact we may never change all it would seem. Perhaps all we really do is to understand our actions, right or wrong? That’s almost a frightening thought in many ways, I shall endeavor to explore it further.

As to myself, I get into these predicaments because I know I can do many things myself and have pride in building and repairing what I need done. I have a problem with getting anyone else to do something which I know I can do. The problem is that I take on way too much and do not have the time, energy or the finances to accomplish much of them. Hence I have many things unfinished and still take on more. And I take on more to ‘forget’ the growing pile behind my mind.

Is it I don’t trust anyone else to do things - maybe? Is it I don’t have the money to pay them – usually? But with so much to do, every move reveals another chore screaming its insistence at me.

Problem is with all these things demanding attention; the very thought drains the essence and needed energy from what’s left of my sanity, to accomplish them. Help me – Me - Oh Damn, something else to fix…